Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are very likely to lead to relationships failing

A licensed therapist shares advice for kindly addressing feelings of irritation in your relationship

All couples are bound to annoy each other, and it's often not caused by ill will. Reflecting on how and when to express pet peeves is important for ultimately building a connection and helping partners not feel attacked. While differences may not always be fully resolved, it can be helpful to discuss paths forward toward a compromise.

Long, happy marriages have these important traits

It may not be rocket science, but a lifetime partnership could still use some study. This quick list of smart traits gets into key traits that typically help a marriage remain happy ever after. Using studies from trained therapists and researchers, the article explains how really knowing each other, accepting bids for attention, seeking resolution to conflict, and more are essential to durable marriages. Read it here.

AI chatbot use among quarreling couples can aggravate tensions

Chatbots can become a sounding board for venting spouses looking to analyze their relationship and find support for their views. Many couples report the negative influence of chatbots like ChatGPT, with some claiming the tools led to divorce.

'The Father of Positive Psychology' gives tips on building resilience

People differ in how they respond to setbacks. Famed psychologist Martin Seligman outlines three key pillars for resilience: developing mental toughness by interpreting failures as external and temporary, recognizing and using one’s signature strengths, and cultivating strong relationships that offer support and meaning.

Negative thinking spirals are often the result of uncertainty and anxiety, and can be addressed.

Landmark study pinpoints what makes a good relationship

Whether you’re finding a potential partner by swiping right on an app, or thumbing through stacks of biodata a la Netflix’s “Indian Matchmaking,” there may be some wisdom for you in the researchers’ findings.

How to resolve conflict with words, from speaking coach Jefferson Fisher

Fisher claims arguments shouldn't be won but rather unraveled. He gives numerous tips on how to approach arguments like a tested lawyer. In this "Diary of a CEO" podcast episode, host Steven Bartlett gleans incredible insights on how to spot a liar, how to resolve arguments, and more.

Marriage is experiencing a general decline

Marriage has taken drastically different forms than in the past. The transformation of marriage from a form of economic dependency for women to an equal partnership has forged demographic shifts. Richard Reeves, author of "Of Boys and Men," explains how economic and educational factors have potentially destabilized partnerships and changed patterns of “marriageability” for middle- and lower-class men.

How grudges mostly hurt ourselves

Grudges feel like revenge against those who have done us some wrong and are very common. In this "Hidden Brain" podcast, psychologists explain how grudges end up only hurting us rather than those we hold them against. By using historical examples, the researchers show the counterintuitive danger of grudges and how people can learn how to avoid them.

Couples therapy has seen a massive boom in recent years

70% of therapists offer couples counseling. Experts predict continuous growth in the field. With so many marriages ending in divorce, more couples are recognizing the potential for therapy to get them back on track. And parents are starting to see the impacts of divorce on their children and their own mental health.

Social scientists hold various beliefs about the role of marriage in our lives

Functionalists believe that marriage fulfills specific needs, while conflict theory highlights inherent power struggles within a couple’s relationship.

Top strategies on how to deal with other people's big feelings

This podcast offers insights on how to effectively talk to others when they're experiencing powerful emotions, and how to simultaneously protect yourself in those situations.

40% of Americans polled by Pew Research Center felt pessimistic about marriage

Black and Asian respondents reported more pessimism about marriage than white or Hispanic respondents. Over half of Republicans feel negatively about the future of marriage, while only 25% of Democrats felt the same.

The positives of feeling stressed

Worrying about past events and upcoming challenges is not a pleasant experience, but a reasonable amount of stress can bring a lot of good into our lives. In this episode of "The Happiness Lab" with Dr. Laurie Santos, two psychology experts offer tips for resetting one's relationship with stress. Listen and learn how to make stress a positive tool rather than a debilitating emotion.

A guide to the romance genre's major tropes

This guide breaks down romance's most prominent tropes, or narrative patterns, used by romance writers and adored by their fans. After you learn about "friends to lovers," "marriage of convenience," and "forced proximity," you'll start to see your favorite romance reads in an entirely new light.

Boy culture pressures teens to hide emotions, weakening their friendships over time

Cultural norms about masculinity teach boys to suppress vulnerability and prioritize independence over time, resulting in isolation. Given that humans are social creatures, mental health struggles gradually become more common through this abandonment of connection.

How to bridge political divides

Can people who believe in opposing ultimate views of the world really live in peace together? That's a core requirement of individuals living in pluralistic societies. Law professor Samar Ali and public affairs strategist Clint Brewer don't agree on much, but they're great friends. In this TED Talk, the two share why political polarization in the US isn’t as intractable as we might think. Learn some tips for getting along in the free world here.

'Men's groups' may fail if members aren't truly invested in growth

Individuals who are truly dedicated to the mission of personal growth and want to build connections and community are essential for this type of group's success. The groups require an ongoing commitment, and members must be open to feedback, which can be a challenge. The hope in these groups is to build a bond that extends beyond a weekly or biweekly meeting. One such group is The Alliance, which has hundreds of members divided into local chapters.

Emotional relationships with God affect grief

A study published in 2020 examined how internal, emotional relationships with God—rather than external characteristics of one's religiosity like weekly workshop attendance or attire—affected grief and adjustment among bereaved parents.

Are we too attached to attachment styles?

Attachment theory was developed to help understand the impact of caregiver relationships on children. Recently, the theory has been applied to adults, categorizing them into different attachment styles. Is it accurate? This podcasts takes a closer...

Watch a Yale University psychologist explain his new supportive parenting anxiety therapy.

The five stages of grief—and what to do when yours doesn't follow this model

The "five stages of grief" is a well-established process used by many to move through periods of mourning. Grief is notoriously difficult to manage, and such procedures help move people forward. Only, what happens if your experience doesn't match the model at all? This podcast episode explores one researcher's unique approach to processing her own grief.

How couples today manage their finances

In relationships, shared bank accounts used to be the default. Not anymore. Many couples maintain separate finances for practical reasons or to retain greater independence, though many couples experience trust issues as a result. This article checks in on the status of relationship finances and highlights, among other insights, how attitudes toward money are often determined by family history.

Some bereavement support groups prohibit dating other members

This in-depth podcast covers many aspects of grieving and support. One aspect it discusses is that people may naturally feel a connection with others who are going through similar experiences and may want to build community that way, including pursuing romantic relationships. Such liaisons may be off-putting to some participants and that's why some groups prohibit dating other support group members.

How to form lasting, healthier habits

James Clear's "Atomic Habits" is a bestselling book about making small, realistic changes to create healthier habits. This brief piece breaks down three key lessons from the book as well as four simple steps toward adopting its approach.

Four psychological tools for a happier, calmer life

The perennial debate on how to be happy involves various aspects of life, and one of the most essential is our psychological attitudes toward experiences. This piece lists and explains four basic tools to strengthen your "psychological immune...

Science says being a jerk doesn't pay off

The evidence is in: Nice guys and gals don’t finish last, and being a selfish jerk doesn’t get you ahead. A longitudinal study lasting for more than a decade revealed subjects who displayed manipulative, selfish, or combative behavior were less successful professionally than control groups—a finding that held even in highly competitive organizations.

The business model for many dating apps is paradoxical

While these apps are designed to help people create romantic relationships, dating apps lose money when people find a monogamous relationship and stop using the app as a result. Some call it the dating app paradox.

Who provides therapy is more important than what method they practice

What makes therapy work well is the connection that patients feel with their therapist, and the trust in that relationship. Some research suggests that while the therapeutic model—say cognitive behavior therapy or psychodynamic therapy—accounts for roughly 15% of outcomes, the therapeutic relationship with the therapist accounts for more than 30%.

Why art history is filled with miserable brides

Paintings from the 19th century are filled with unhappy brides. The women are often visibly disturbed by their pending nuptials, sometimes even during the wedding ceremony. This Artnet article unpacks four famous examples of this trend, analyzing how and why the respective artists portrayed these disappointed figures.

Divorce reportedly existed in hunter-gatherer societies

Though divorces have been around for centuries and have become increasingly common, they can still be perceived with hints of shame. Historian Stephanie Coontz advises readers that the good old days of marriage may have been just as bad as today, considering its prevalence throughout history.

How to win a negotiation

Chris Voss, former FBI hostage chief, explains how logic and argument rarely convince someone; instead, he claims emotional intelligence is the most important factor. Watch this brief video where the expert lays out the three most important skills...

What happens when you can't trust your therapist?

When Marty Markowitz first stepped into his new psychiatrist's office, he triggered a three-decade spiral of abuse that robbed him of his autonomy, relationships, and wealth. Markowitz isn't the only client to lay allegations of abuse at the feet of Dr. Isaac “Ike” Herschkopf, an accomplished New York practitioner with a rolodex of celebrity clients who has since lost his license to practice.

The case that willfully being 'cringe' can be antisocial

While noting the prevalence of "cringe" in recent media discourse, the author argues that willfully engaging in cringe behaviors—an overzealous earnestness or awkward rupture of social norms, in many cases—is selfish and forces others to experience discomfort. The essay offers an interesting meditation on how artists often explore cringe as a concept to critique social norms, while others who encourage people to "embrace cringe" are promoting individual freedom over relational harmony.

The neuroscience of heartbreak

An analysis of functional MRIs revealed a difficult fact: the active brain areas of people experiencing heartbreak were very similar to those actively in love. This is a major reason why people in the middle of rejection can't accept the reality of their loss. This article breaks down the various changes in neurotransmitters and neural pathways for those enduring that universal experience, heartbreak.

The emotional regression that happens when we visit home

Despite how mature we might like to think we are, returning home for the holidays often results in reverting to our moodier, angstier childhood selves. This story in the conversation dives into the root of this phenomenon, which can largely be explained by attachment theory. Read along to understand how your past experiences and attachment style can influence your current behaviors and for advice on how to cope with regression.

Grief rewires the human brain

The human brain handles stress and emotional traumas similarly. In response to the emotional stress of a situation like the death of a loved one, divorce, or abuse, the brain may strengthen or weaken connections between nerves to form new neural connections. Over time, chronic stress can diminish brainpower, reducing overall nerve growth and memory to shift resources to enable elevated fear responses and enable humans to survive.

Recognizing the 12 steps of workplace burnout

Psychologists Herbert Freudenberger and Gail North created a 12-stage model to explain the path to burnout. It begins with employees feeling the drive to prove themselves in the workplace, leading to overwork and neglecting of one's needs, and ends with depersonalization and depression.

Critic Neil Postman argued modern technology is dystopian

Cultural critic Neil Postman argued in 1985's "Amusing Ourselves to Death" that mass media had made the dystopia of Huxley's "Brave New World" a reality. In 1992, he published "Technopoly," a wider critique of the utopian visions of technology or, as Postman calls it, "all of the machinery that takes people out of public arenas and keeps them fixed in their homes."

Loving bad art isn't always about mockery

Dr. John Dyck, an assistant professor of philosophy at Mississippi State, says admirers of "so good they're bad" works like "The Room" do not do so ironically. "They love it as a gorgeous freak accident of nature, something that turned out beautifully—not despite, but because of the failure of its creators."

The 10 top tips a psychotherapist offers her patients with anxiety include "you will not die from anxiety" and "anxiety is just trying to protect you."

How the feared self fuels OCD

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is characterized by intrusive thoughts that prompt people to enact compulsions—behaviors intended to relieve the anxiety or stress from the obsession. A significant intrusive thought OCD sufferers endure is the fear they will become a dangerous or immoral person. Therapeutic approaches try to show patients this is just a story that can be set aside.

'Mutual ignorance breeds mutual distrust.'

- Businessman Andrew Carnegie (1835–1919)

A 'fishy' scent does lead to mistrust

In experiments where people were exposed to a literal fishy smell they were less willing to cooperate with others in economic games requiring trust, but that wasn't the case when they were exposed to another bad odor—the smell of flatulence.

Visualizing 11 cognitive biases that influence how you think

Humans are hardwired to make mental mistakes called cognitive biases, affecting the way we view our world. Among the most common are confirmation bias (seeking only evidence that affirms your views), authority bias (overweighting things said by authority figures), groupthink (assimilating ideas to avoid conflict), and more. This quick chart gives an overview of some of the most notable ways we mislead ourselves.

Infertility is often not discussed, forcing women and families to grieve privately

Watch this podcast discussion from Weill Cornell Medicine about the emotional journey of infertility for couples and individuals and hear advice about how to navigate the feelings of loss of control, grief, anger, and despair, including suggested tips for supporting individuals struggling with infertility.

The culture Ray Dalio created at Bridgewater Associates is often criticized

Despite large returns, former employees report meticulous logs of mistakes, intense public questioning of junior-level staffers, recordings of all meetings being made available to all employees, and highly confrontational meetings—many of which are attributed to the book of more than 100 principles Dalio gives each employee. (Some users may experience a paywall)

Marriages are more at risk when the woman is sick

A study tracking 25,000 copies over 18 years revealed marriages tend to end in divorce more often when the woman is sick. Conversely, men's health issues do not impact divorce rates. Researchers noted that increased depression, potentially as a result of financial dependence, contributes to the disparity. Generally, most marriages do not end when a spouse becomes sick.

Marriage rates are declining, especially in the richest countries

89% of the world’s population now live in countries with falling rates. Increasing costs of living, the financial burden of starting a family, and the rise of secularism are some of the key factors reducing marriage rates among the less affluent.

The rise of generative AI could exacerbate anxiety because people may turn to chatbots for constant reassurance.